Whenever a tragedy like the shootings at Sandy Hook Elementary happen, and there have been far too many such tragedies, people look for a reason for the killer's behaviour.
In the news, reporters scour the family history looking for clues. It is human nature. We want to find something, anything, that gives us the formula for how a killer like this is created. By finding the formula, we think we can prevent such a thing from happening in our family. Did his father reject him? Was he bullied? Did he take drugs? If we find the thing that sets him apart, we can feel safe knowing without that, we are ok.
In this case at Sandy Hook, it may turn out the shooter was hopped up on anti-depressants or had been molested or bullied or neglected. Then we can breathe a collective sigh of relief. Knowing what was wrong, we think we can make things right in the future.
The truth though is far more complicated. The truth is no matter what is uncovered about the young man who shot twenty children, no matter what hardship or dysfunction he endured, others have had the same thing happen to them, with a far different result.
There are millions of people who live hard lives every day and yet the vast majority become productive citizens or at worst passive nonproductive citizens. They don't become killers.
The truth is, life is complicated. There may be one hundred different factors which led that young man, on that day, to do the horrible things he did. We will never know for sure.
Life is random. We don't like this. We want order. We want to feel safe and we should feel safe.
I don't mean to say that we should sit back and do nothing to prevent such things. Of course government policy, dealing with gun control and mental health services, can help prevent these horrors. Public movement around our gun culture would be a step forward as well. Something must be done. These things don't have to happen at all.
My point is we must be wary of passing judgement in hindsight on a town and a family and a young man, who may be more like us than we care to admit.
If, God forbid, one of my sons did something as heinous as what happened at Sandy Hook, or your son or daughter did such a thing, it would be easy to find something in our family to blame. For my family, I am sure, people would say I was divorced, I went back to school, my husband lost his job, we were too liberal, their father too strict.
Look closely at any family anywhere and you can find things not ideal. Luckily for most of us, our children turn out great in spite what they experience. Instead of scorn and hate, we face praise, "Must have done something right," people say. Well, what if that isn't the case? What if much of the time we are just lucky the stars aligned and our kids turned out fine?
When things go unfathomably wrong, let us not jump to judgements that make us feel more comfortable. Instead let us say "there but for the grace...go we" and instead look at making the world safer for us all ... just in case.
In the news, reporters scour the family history looking for clues. It is human nature. We want to find something, anything, that gives us the formula for how a killer like this is created. By finding the formula, we think we can prevent such a thing from happening in our family. Did his father reject him? Was he bullied? Did he take drugs? If we find the thing that sets him apart, we can feel safe knowing without that, we are ok.In this case at Sandy Hook, it may turn out the shooter was hopped up on anti-depressants or had been molested or bullied or neglected. Then we can breathe a collective sigh of relief. Knowing what was wrong, we think we can make things right in the future.
The truth though is far more complicated. The truth is no matter what is uncovered about the young man who shot twenty children, no matter what hardship or dysfunction he endured, others have had the same thing happen to them, with a far different result.
There are millions of people who live hard lives every day and yet the vast majority become productive citizens or at worst passive nonproductive citizens. They don't become killers.
The truth is, life is complicated. There may be one hundred different factors which led that young man, on that day, to do the horrible things he did. We will never know for sure.
Life is random. We don't like this. We want order. We want to feel safe and we should feel safe.
I don't mean to say that we should sit back and do nothing to prevent such things. Of course government policy, dealing with gun control and mental health services, can help prevent these horrors. Public movement around our gun culture would be a step forward as well. Something must be done. These things don't have to happen at all.
My point is we must be wary of passing judgement in hindsight on a town and a family and a young man, who may be more like us than we care to admit.
If, God forbid, one of my sons did something as heinous as what happened at Sandy Hook, or your son or daughter did such a thing, it would be easy to find something in our family to blame. For my family, I am sure, people would say I was divorced, I went back to school, my husband lost his job, we were too liberal, their father too strict.
Look closely at any family anywhere and you can find things not ideal. Luckily for most of us, our children turn out great in spite what they experience. Instead of scorn and hate, we face praise, "Must have done something right," people say. Well, what if that isn't the case? What if much of the time we are just lucky the stars aligned and our kids turned out fine?
When things go unfathomably wrong, let us not jump to judgements that make us feel more comfortable. Instead let us say "there but for the grace...go we" and instead look at making the world safer for us all ... just in case.
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